Valentine's Day remains a divisive topic. Some criticize it as a capitalistic subsumption of love and religion, while others dislike it for personal reasons, like being single at a time when you're "expected" to be in love.
Despite some cynical opinions, the holiday results in a flurry of dating app activity. Tinder cites its "Peak Season" as the time between New Year's Day and February 14. Internal Tinder data reveals over 298 million more Likes are exchanged, and over 2.1 million more daily messages are sent during this time than the rest of the year.
Hinge revealed to Mashable that in the two weeks leading to Valentine's Day 2024, Likes sent grew by 28 percent, and matches increased by 17 percent compared to the same period in 2023.
Bumble similarly saw increases in downloads and time spent on the app in the weeks around Valentine's Day 2024, with an increase in people swiping right and updating their profiles in the week leading up to the holiday.
Even if you are in the spirit, many feel the effect of price gouging in restaurants and generally increased costs, limiting and impacting how celebrations take place and sending us to search other avenues.
As we increasingly rely on the digital world, it's only logical that we integrate our offline holidays into our digital existence. And if we take romance online, what will our Valentine's Day begin to look like?
Romance through the screen
With so much of our dating lives influenced by the internet, as dating apps move courtship online and COVID restrictions caused multiple remote Valentine's Day celebrations, our relationship with Valentine's Day has been impacted.
"We did a virtual dinner and he sent me some LEGO flowers through the post, as he wasn't sure if real flowers would keep for very long!" says Emily, 25, York, on celebrating Valentine's Day away from her long-distance partner before moving in together.
"For our dinner, we each bought steaks and made our virtual backgrounds look like a fancy restaurant. Definitely one of our most memorable. We laugh about it a lot," she says.
"Sometimes distance can actually make couples more intentional about how they express their love, which can be a beautiful silver lining," according to Amber Robinson, relationship therapist and owner of A Road Through Practice.
Regarding long-distance relationships, Robinson sees couples utilising various apps to maintain their connection. "They're sending good morning selfies, sharing Spotify playlists, [and] watching movies in sync on FaceTime."
Sometimes distance can actually make couples more intentional about how they express their love, which can be a beautiful silver lining.
With Valentine's Day, she's seen an interesting blend of physical and digital realities: "Some couples coordinate to open their gifts together on a video call, others sync up a movie night and order in, and I even had one creative pair who set up identical romantic settings in their homes — same candles, same music, same everything! It was like they were both in the same space despite being thousands of miles apart."
"It still takes an emotional investment, creativity, and intention to make a day like Valentine's Day special," Robinson believes.
A new frontier of digital intimacy
Digital romance and intimacy aren't just for those unable to spend time together due to location, nor limited to Valentine's Day. Couples can invite the digital world into their relationship in various ways.
"In many ways, the distinction between digital intimacy and physical, in-person intimacy has become blurred thanks to the ubiquity of technology use in relationships," according to Dr. Ellen Kaufman, postdoctoral research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
"We are also seeing a significant increase in use and interest in emerging forms of sex tech — sexual technologies — that promote emotional connection in addition to (remote) physical closeness. Our research demonstrates that people who use erotic webcam modeling sites, for example, want to feel close to the models both physically and emotionally. The underlying technology of these sites — including the integration of WiFi- and Bluetooth-enabled sex toys, which are also helping couples reclaim physical intimacy when they're not in the same place — are increasingly helping people meet those needs," Kaufman continues.
Engagement with sex tech has risen among American adults, suggesting a noticeable shift in our views on intimacy, as well as weakening stigmatisation of digital intimacy.
"You can buy your loved one a touch bracelet, have a date night together in the VR world, or FaceTime each other. You can watch a movie together on Netflix or play video games together to help deepen your bond," says relationship and break-up expert at inclusive LGBTQ+ dating app Taimi, Angelika Koch.
Managing expectations and exposure
For those celebrating Valentine's Day, the digital experience in the lead-up can be intense. There's a looming awareness of social media posts showcasing couples, their relationship, and any Valentine's Day celebration plans. This, amongst a barrage of e-mails and notifications, can impact people both single and in relationships.
"The internet in February makes it worse as couples tend to feel like they need to measure up to unrealistic standards set by those people," says Sean O'Neill, licensed marriage and family therapist at Maple Moon Recovery. He recommends couples avoid comparison and "focus on and [define] what connection means to them."
For those not in relationships, the online world can still revolutionise Valentine's Day.
"I switched off dating and started using [the internet] to meet new people and strike up new friendships," says Jennifer, 32, London, founder and community manager of Ladies in London Official, a recently founded social club for women.
Initially, she connected with women via Bumble for Friends and MeetUp, creating a space for women to build friendships on and offline. Jennifer now uses WhatsApp to connect the group and encourage sign-ups for events. Both digital and physical ones are planned for February, including a Galentine's Day event (brought into existence by the sitcom Parks and Recreation in 2010).
Valentine's Day, whether you'll be spending it online, offline, single, or happily in a relationship, can be what you make of it. It can offer an opportunity to bring us closer together with those we love, to connect with ourselves, or to explore new frontiers of intimacy unencumbered.
There's a great deal of the internet to explore for those avoiding any reminders of Valentine's Day, and a lot of digital experiences waiting for those planning to celebrate.
